Cap'n Morgan's log
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "mo_warju" journal:
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I'm Not Anything|
I could really use a wish right now.
I'm a little stressed out lately. I feel horrible because it's nothing I want to talk about and it's making me seem distant. I don't need to burden people with my problems. I'm also wondering if it's related to the amount of headaches I've been getting or the amount of shedding my hair is doing as of late.
Recently, someone got mad at me, and I asked for an explanation. Well, in this person's eyes I said a bunch of things, that were misconstrued, and I tried to explain that along with a ridiculous amount of apologizing. It's been a month and I haven't heard anything from that person since. It's stressful because on the one hand, I don't have time for childishness, and if you can't accept my apology because you'd rather cause drama just to hurt me, then fine, be that way. We don't have to be friends anymore if that's the case. I don't have time for that shit. On the other hand, this person has been so close to me, and in recent years we have drifted through nobody's fault in particular, but it still hurts to want to be friends with someone who clearly hates your guts for no reason.
I'm also stressed out about my living situation. I got so excited recently, having found a house in Dearborn for a crazy cheap price and my dad was actually on board with it. Unfortunately, the house was at auction, so it went to the highest bidder, and as you can guess I didn't get it. I'm so tired of living with my family and I want to be able to have my own place with all my own stuff. I want to paint and build things and I can't. I feel like I'm in a hurry because I'm almost 26 and I'm still living at home with my parents.
I feel like I'm stuck. I'm not moving out, I'm not getting married, I'm not published, I'm not anything.
I've been trying to find a second job because as much as I like the Vitamin Shoppe, I can't live off my paychecks. I get good hours though, and that's the shitty part. It's hard to find a job that can work around my schedule too. Also, no one is interested in hiring me. I don't understand why it's so hard to find a job. I'm a goddamn college graduate for cryin out loud. I guess that part's not something to be totally stressed out about because I do have a job. I could just use more money.
I could use a lot of things, actually. Mainly, a turn in my favor. I'm trying to stay positive.
Current Mood: stressed
Current Music: silence.
I have this plan of how I want my life to turn out. I want Dave and I to both get good jobs. It's quite aggravating when the only people that will call you for an interview are the companies looking for cold-callers and insurance salespeople, and although they tell you your resume is impressive, it's quite obvious your resume has nothing to do with the job offer. I want to have a secretarial job, but no one will give me a chance. I would like to also keep my job at the Vitamin Shoppe, because I do really like it there. I would also like to see my novel get published. Not only that, I would like people to support me by buying it, and liking my story as well. The most important thing to me is that people appreciate my writing. Anybody can buy a book just to buy it. That's how Stephanie Meyer stays in business.
I would like to make enough money to buy a nice house in the Dearborn area, with a decent yard, and I want Dave and I to get married and live in that house and be close to our friends. Most importantly, I want us to be happy. Rediculously happy.
This plan of mine is something I have been aiming toward for a little while now, and I have to admit, it's really slow-going. Or maybe it just seems that way because I'm too antsy. Or maybe it's because everyone else I know is getting their shit together all of a sudden. It makes me jealous how well their lives are going.
I feel like that Queen song. "I want it all/ and I want it now"
Current Mood: envious
Current Music: "Ironman" on tv
Here's What I Wish Right Now:|
I wish I was a little bit taller...
I wish things were a lot simpler. I wish I was married. I wish I had a house I could call my own. I wish my parents weren't such jerks sometimes. Seriously, you can only nag me about things for so long before I snap. I wish it was enough that I was healthy and happy, but no. They are never content with my choices. Nothing I ever do is enough for them.
I've worked at the Vitamin Shoppe for a month now, and still, they keep telling me about other job opportunities and say things like, "Oh it's fine for now. Until you get a real job." Fuck you. Did you ever think maybe I like my job? Maybe I like having a part time job so that it allows me time for my writing. I know the pay isn't ideal, but I like the job too much to just walk away from it now.
I'm so tired of this.
I wish I could fix everything for everybody. I wish I could fix everything for me.
BTW, yeah, Skee-Lo? I went there... =)
Current Mood: aggravated
A Bit of Good News|
It seems there has been a turn of events, completely for the better, I hope. I applied for a job at the Vitamin Shoppe and I was actually called in to interview within a week of applying. The interview went swimmingly, and I was told that I would be called by the manager either today or Monday regardless of whether I got the job or not, which is super helpful. I'd rather know right away if I need to start looking for something else.
And speaking of something else, I also received an email today from IKEA, inviting me to their job fair of sorts this coming Tuesday. So, if I get a call on Monday saying the Vitamin Shoppe wasn't a good fit, I'll be at IKEA on Tuesday interviewing for a position.
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I'm pretty sure I won't be needing that job fair on Tuesday because I think the Vitamin Shoppe will be calling me with good news.
Now that my summer job predicament seems to be over, I need to keep my fingers crossed about the full time job I'm interviewing for in a few weeks. I need something to just get by right now, and hopefully I can keep a part time job alongside this other one so that I might be able to save some money and buy a house. =)
I decided to have a birthday party. It's Facebook official now, so there. I hope it will be a lot of fun! I'm in a good mood today. I think I'm starting to crawl out of that hole. =)
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: Tiger's Game
After rainy days, the sun will shine.
It is indeed April, and that means 30 days until my birthday. I'm undecided what to do because I want to have a party, but I don't think people want to hang out with me anymore. Everyone's either gone or doesn't have time for me. I suck because I don't drink, and I'm not all wild and crazy, so I'm not fun to be around, I suppose. On the other hand, I might want to just spend the day with Dave. I don't know, I've got 30 days to figure out my plans.
In good news, I got a call for a job interview that I think is super promising. Thing is, I have to wait 4 weeks for the interview. I'll be biting my nails til then... Even if I get the job though, I still need to find summer employment, which is proving quite difficult. But I've got to remain positive that things are going to work out.
In bad news, I just read on Facebook that a kid I went to high school with died today, apparently suicide. We weren't good friends or anything, but we had band together and we'd talked a few times. Another friend wrote: "I will never comprehend suicide. Never stop fighting." Those words are really stuck to me right now. I think of all the times in high school and college when I contemplated suicide or did stupid things because I thought I wanted to die. I put suicide on such a pedestal, like it was glamorous or something, when in reality if I had ever even been remotely close to it, I'd have realized the seriousness of the situation. It really makes me feel like a jerk, when someone I know actually went through with it.
I definitely know that life is worth living and I love the people in my life too much to end it. No matter how bad things get, how deep the hole goes, there's always a chance to get back up again.
Never stop fighting.
Current Mood: thoughtful
I Could Use A Win Right Now.|
Well, after eight days of employment, I quit my new job. I couldn't take it. It was far more physically demanding than I expected, and after a week's time, it never got any better, so I decided instead of trying to keep on truckin' and eventually end up with serious ailments, I would rather just give it up. I know it was the right thing to do because when I quit, I wasn't at all upset about it.
My muscles and bones are coming back to good health, as is my attitude. Hating that job made me hate life. I became a bit of a bitch, and people noticed. Dave especially, which for that I'm completely sorry.
So now, it's back to the drawing board. I've got a promising prospect at a school a couple friends work at, but that won't really start until next fall, so it appears I have a bit of time on my hands. I'm still collecting unemployment, which is good, but I need to find something that pays a little better if I'm ever going to get my house. But, I'm continuing to apply at various jobs I find online, scams or not, and hopefully something good will turn up.
I'm trying to stay positive because not everything is going my way. I'm noticing that some people in my life have no time for me anymore and I'm tired of trying to fix it. I'm tired of trying to fix everything. I feel bad that people seem annoyed by me, or seem like they don't want me around, or just flat out ignore me. I believe that if my friendship isn't worth anything to you anymore, tell me now, save me anymore heartbreak and let's get it over with. I talk a big game of not giving a shit what people think of me, when that's all I ever care about.
I could use a win right now.
Current Mood: hopeful
Work, work, work.
My background check has cleared and so it looks like I will be working once more. Starting Wednesday, I will be flipping pages in books and making digital images of said pages for a company contracted by Google. It sucks that it's in Ann Arbor, but I need money, so I gotta do what I gotta do.
The other crappy thing is it's more than I made at THF, but it's probably not enough to be able to buy a house and survive off of. I took the job as something in the meantime until I can find something in Dearborn or surrounding areas that paid more, but I feel like I've been guilted into staying at this job for a little while. The woman on the phone was very adamant that I call her before Wednesday to verify that I still plan on showing up to work Wednesday.
I've been trying to research what my average bills would most likely be if I were to move out on my own, but it's difficult to get any figures. Hopefully, I'll get the money people owe me, and perhaps I'll start selling my photographs from my Etsy shop to help cover some expenses. Oh, and I guess I could potentially earn bonuses for fast page flipping.
I hope I can even do this. I'm starting to psych myself out about whether or not I can handle this job, and I haven't even started yet.
Current Mood: anxious
It's the End of an Era:|
Take this job and shove it.
So, it's been a while. Can't believe I didn't think to post about this life-altering news: I am now officially fired from The Henry Ford. Or, more appropriately Event Network. Joni had me call her and then over the phone told me I wasn't coming back this summer because the stock wasn't being put out on the floor and I wasn't communicating with anyone and I made some counting errors during inventory. When I went to turn in my badge, crying, she had the nerve to ask me if I was alright... I've held my tongue too many times in my life, and I've decided I don't want to do that this year, so I told her I can't be entirely to blame for all of that, especially since I spent the last three months working in the warehouse and not the stockroom. Plus, I didn't do any counting during inventory.
But of course, my complaints fell on deaf ears, and I could see it made no difference trying to discuss my termination.
So now, I'm officially jobless. Since my termination on January 3rd, I've applied for seven jobs. I had one call to set up an interview, only to cancel my interview the day before citing someone had already been hired. Other than that, not one has called me back.
So now my dreams of owning my own home are even further than before, but I'm not giving up. I want a house. I will do anything to achieve that goal.
Current Mood: determined
I Even Applied at JoAnn's...|
It was an upset, two minutes flat.
Well, yet another house I had my eye on has disappeared off the market. I shouldn't be as upset as I am, since I'm not actively looking for a new house. I've been looking on the internet, of course, but I haven't followed through, as I figure I should wait to do so until I have a second or full-time job lined up.
By the way, that "interview" from my last entry was awful. I don't even want to talk about it. Very unprofessional and it just about broke my heart because I thought I had it in the bag.
At this point now, with all the home I like dwindling, I feel like I am desperate for another job. I not only want to buy a house now because I want to be on my own, I also want to be able to afford one before the market comes back. So, I've applied to numerous jobs via Craigslist, which has ended in failure, since they have all been complete scams. The worst part is, every time it's a scam, I apply for another job through the site, like I haven't learned a lesson. I even applied at Jo Ann's, which never called me back.
I have found a full time position for a secretary at a funeral home. Would anyone be really creeped out by it if I wanted to apply? I mean, when I think about it, it doesn't seem like that bad of an option. It's just secretarial work. But what's holding me back is what other people might think if I even applied.
Again, at this point, I'm desperate. I need money because I need to get out of my house.
Current Mood: disappointed
Two Job Offers in One Day!|
Work and work
I know it's too early to share, but I have an interview Monday for a full time job!! The woman who called me was from a campus located in Dearborn on Outer Drive, which I think it like an ITT institute type of school. Anyway, they're looking for a secretary, which I can totally handle, and it would be 9-5 every day. I'm not sure how much the pay would be, but even if it's not much, the hours will make it all add up. My fingers are crossed that I get the job. Please cross yours as well. =)
If I do get the job, it'll mean that I can start the process of trying to buy a house in Dearborn. I've narrowed my choices down to two places that I like very much, but I haven't followed up on because of my dad's attitude about finding a better job. By the way, instead of congratulating me on nabbing an interview, he shrugged and said, "I guess you need a job in this recession, even if it's not a job you can advance in." Asshole.
I hope that they'll be able to tell me right after the interview if I got it or not, because I actually also got another job offer from an ad I responded to on craigslist. It seems legit to me, but I'm still not entirely sure. You can't always trust craigslist. So, I'm hoping I'll be able to decline that job offer for the campus one.
There isn't really anything else I wanted to say, and I probably shouldn't have even talked about this job so soon, but what the hell. I'm excited. I keep telling myself not to get my hopes up, but I really really really want/need this to work out. Especially since my stock job is slowing down considerably and I'm not sure how long I will even be employed there anymore since it seems like everyone else can do my job instead. As a certain bitchy lead told me: "Honey, you're lucky they even kept you on this pay period."
Current Mood: excited
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